by Lynn Lawson
Recently, I was getting ready to visit a new exercise facility where I was considering taking classes. I was preparing to leave and my 5-year-old (who is often seen attached to my hip) asked if he could come with me. I quickly responded (actually snapped…in a nice, but firm way), “No, this class is for mommies only.”
Surprisingly, he didn’t have a response, which is kind of unusual for him. Not only was I surprised by his acceptance of the fact I was heading out and leaving my 16-year-old daughter in charge (both of my sons don’t like that too much), but I was also surprised by my quick retort to his request to go with me. I thought, “Gee, I’m finally getting better at this.”
A couple of weeks ago, I had a brief conversation with a friend from high school and a new mom of twins (they are a few months old). She told me since she works outside of the home, she feels guilty when leaving them, even to get her hair done. I truly empathized with her because I remember myself feeling the same way as a new parent.
And, even to this day, I spend quite a bit of time with my kids because I’m almost always at home. When they get off the bus, nine times out of ten, I’m home to greet them. No, it hasn’t always been this way. As a matter of fact, I worked outside of the home when my eldest was young and during the first couple of years after the birth of my middle son. I often felt that common guilt moms have when leaving their children, but I was very fortunate to have nurturing preschool programs and both grandmothers available to take care of the kids during those introductory years of parenting.
Although I’m no longer a new parent, I’m still learning this parenting thing (as raising teenagers is a whole different and stressful ballgame from raising younger kids). And, one thing I really understand now that I didn’t before is our kids are going to blame us for something no matter what. So, we shouldn’t shame ourselves for considering our own well-being.
We should make healthy choices for us, first and foremost. And, if that means leaving our little ones in capable hands while we nourish ourselves, then we absolutely should. Because as they mature, they’ll understand our self-appreciation and they will have seen, first hand, how to value themselves. Can they get the same self-approval if they see you unkempt, overweight, stressed, and complaining? Absolutely not! And, they most likely will follow in your footsteps.
Find something you enjoy that you can consistently do to nourish yourself. Know that you’re a good mom and now’s the time to lay down the guilt!
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I’m learning to get over my “mommy guilt” and also recognizing when my kids intentionally use it to get what they want. Even at 8, 6 and 3, they *know* how to push my guilt button. The 3 year old is especially effective!