With the ongoing and unfolding saga of Tiger Woods and with my own interest in what men often think about when it comes to women, I asked a friend of mine from high school (his name is Rob) to share his thoughts on women with me.

We began a discussion before the news of Tiger Woods broke; I wanted to ask him what types of women were more appealing to him. I also wanted to know what he was teaching his teenage daughters about men. I listened intently and realized this information should be shared with other women.

When Tiger Woods’ story dropped in the media, I thought I would pose a few more questions to him about fidelity…and, what the hell men think about sometimes. Why are they so willing to sacrifice what they have for a little excitement?

Now, let me give you a little background on Rob. He is a 40-year-old, divorced father of 3 children, 2 of whom are girls. Rob says, “I believe in loyalty and in treating women right. I’ve had a long journey, but have arrived where I am much wiser.”

So, here are a few of the more interesting points of my discussion with Rob:

Lynn: Which type of woman do you respect more and would work to have a relationship with – a woman who is easy to “get” (not a challenge, always available, gives in to sex relatively soon); or a woman who is not always available, has a life of her own, and makes you work for her time and attention?

Rob: Well the answer to this one is simple. I am more attracted to the woman who is not available. The fact that she has a life of her own is a good thing. A woman that is constantly around and doesn’t go off exploring alone, to me, tends to run out of things to talk about. I cannot be the only exciting thing in her life.

When a woman makes a man work for her time, the man in turn should carefully plan fun and exciting activities: go to places she has never been before and try things that neither one of you has ever done. I believe the sexual portion of the relationship should not even be addressed or even discussed until 90 or 180 days of dating. To me, that’s when the discussions should start. Now, this is all contingent on the fact that the relationship has reached that level and taking it further is agreed upon by both parties.
Lynn: How do women react when you do nice things for them relatively early in a relationship? Are they suspicious of you? Do most women that you’ve dated act this way?

Rob: You must know or have heard something? I am a giver throughout the relationship. It may be big or small gifts or gestures. I believe that a woman should be showered with gifts. This has always been me. The cost of the gifts I do give, do not matter either. I dated a woman before where after six months, I was shopping for a gift for her in Tiffany. I just wanted to make her happy. Women I have found, sometimes look at me like, ok what does he want? Or, he is after sex. When, in most cases, they are wrong. I give gifts because I like you and I like to see you happy.
Lynn: What lessons are you teaching your daughters about interacting with men?

Rob: The first lesson I am teaching them is to be reliant on themselves. I teach them to not depend on a man for support. I tell them to strive to reach their own dreams and that a man and a relationship should only enhance what you already have or aspire to have. It is not mandatory for you to have a man. If a relationship has you sacrificing what is important to you, is it really worth being in? I tell them God made more than one boy, so if it doesn’t work, it’s not the end of the world.

I also tell them to talk to and listen to those that are older and have already been where they are. Respect their knowledge and learn from the mistakes of others.

Lynn: Why do men cheat, generally speaking?

Rob: The answer to this question is broad. There are many reasons, in my opinion, why men cheat. One reason is they have never seen a relationship where infidelity didn’t exist. Or, it could be to stroke their male ego. Like, “I know I am the man, if I have five different women after me”. For a married man, sometimes it could be the reality of everyday life. The excitement of the sneaking, the secret liaison itself can be an aphrodisiac. Each man’s reason for cheating is different. It could even be trivial like, my wife cut her hair short and I liked it long. It depends on the man.
Lynn: Once a man cheats on you, does it mean he will do it again?

Rob: Only if a man has regrets for what he has done and he sees the way it has affected the other party will he not do it again. He must care about that party and it must have an affect on him to make him change his ways. If there is no regret, no remorse, or no feeling, it will happen again. He just changes his tactics.

Then, I asked Rob what question he would like to ask women…a question that perplexes him? Here’s what he asked:

Rob: “Why do women say they want a good, honest, clean, employed man and when they find one, they never choose him? I have seen far too often a great guy pursue a woman and they go great together and she always seems to be attracted to the pretty, going nowhere guy. Is it all physical or is it that women lie about their interest in the good guy?

Hmmm…good question, Rob. I’m sure many of us women ask ourselves the same thing.

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